Seriously, Taffie?

Seriously… My Nose Did NOT Consent to This!

I have a question.

And before anyone gets offended, understand that I’m asking on behalf of my nose, which recently experienced something it can NEVER un-smell.

WHEN DID WE BECOME SO COMFORTABLE SHARING OUR BIOLOGICAL WASTE WITH COMPLETE STRANGERS?!

Seriously!

Now, I understand that everybody poops. I’m an adult. I’ve raised children. I’m fully aware of how the human digestive system works.

But just because your body has decided it’s time to evacuate last night’s dinner doesn’t mean the rest of us need to participate in the experience!

Let me explain.

The other day, I walked into a public restroom.

That’s it.

That’s all I did.

I wasn’t looking for trouble. I wasn’t bothering anybody. I was simply trying to use the bathroom like a normal, civilized human being.

I opened the door.

Took ONE innocent breath.

AND WALKED STRAIGHT INTO THE FOG OF DEATH. 🤢💀

OH. MY. GOD.

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL?!

I immediately regretted having a functioning nose.

My eyes watered.

My stomach turned.

And I swear every organ in my body started looking for the nearest emergency exit.

I didn’t know whether to hold my breath, call the fire department, or contact the Environmental Protection Agency.

Because whatever was happening in that bathroom was NOT NORMAL!

And then a thought crossed my mind.

A thought so inappropriate that I almost can’t believe I’m putting it in writing.

Almost.

If smell had a dick, my nose just got fucked!!!!

THERE.

I SAID IT. 🤣🤣🤣

Because that’s exactly what it felt like!

I didn’t agree to this.

I didn’t sign a waiver.

Nobody warned me.

I JUST WALKED IN!

And suddenly I’m an unwilling participant in somebody else’s digestive disaster.

Here’s what I don’t understand.

How are people so comfortable doing this in public?!

Listen, I understand emergencies happen. Sometimes nature calls and there’s absolutely no putting her on hold.

But can we at least TRY to be considerate?!

A courtesy flush?

Another courtesy flush?

Maybe twelve courtesy flushes?!

SOMETHING!

Because I don’t want to assault anybody’s nose with MY biological waste.

And I certainly don’t want someone else’s dinner from last night attacking ME!

I wasn’t invited to dinner.

I didn’t help cook it.

I didn’t even get dessert.

SO WHY AM I GETTING THE LEFTOVERS?!
Needless to say, I turned around and walked right back out.

No hesitation.

No second thoughts.

Just a woman fleeing a toxic cloud, trying desperately not to lose her own lunch.

But here’s where things got interesting.

After escaping and getting some fresh air, I actually considered going BACK IN.

Not because I still needed the bathroom.

Not because I’d forgotten something.

BECAUSE I WAS GENUINELY CONCERNED ABOUT THE PERSON RESPONSIBLE!

I mean, seriously…

If THAT came out of a human body, ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE?!

Do you need water?

Medical attention?

A priest?!

Should I call somebody?!

And then I realized something.

This isn’t really just about public bathrooms.

It’s about consideration.

When did we become so comfortable making our personal business everybody else’s problem?

People leave shopping carts in parking spaces.

They block entire grocery aisles while having conversations.

They talk on speakerphone like the rest of us purchased tickets to their personal lives.

And apparently, some people believe a public restroom should come with a complimentary sample of everything they’ve eaten in the last 24 hours.

NO THANK YOU!

Look, I’m all for sharing.

Share a smile.

Share a laugh.

Share a funny story.

Share your last piece of cake. I’ll happily accept that.

But for the love of everything holy…

PLEASE STOP SHARING YOUR DINNER FROM LAST NIGHT!